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Tag Archives: Gospel

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At the end of O Brother, Where Art Thou? the beloved protagonists are faced with quite a dilemma: let the lawman get to hangin’ or take a quick bum rush for a hopefully painless suicide-by-cop. You never expect what’s coming.

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You’re goddamn right, a flood right out of nowhere! Not the kind that ruins cities and drowns old women but the kind that rescues a lovable group of good-natured convicts from certain death! It’s also the kind of flood that was built right here in America by God-fearing Americans. Yep, that’s right…this flood was brought to you by the electric hands of the Tennessee Valley Authority.

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Let me step back here for a minute. You see, back during the 30’s when this movie takes place we in America had this thing called a Depression. That means nobody had  good-paying job with which to raise a family. Many men, like Ulysses, Delmar, and Pete, turned to crime just to make ends meet. And then there were those who joined government-sponsored work programs like the Civilian Conservation Corps, Works Progress Administration, and Tennessee Valley Authority–or TVA for short.

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The role of the TVA was to develop the rural areas of Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, North Carolina, West Virginia, Mississippi, and Georgia. This was a good thing for most of men from this area, as they were either flat broke or skimming by on profits from a measly moonshine operation. Of course, this is a blatantly stereotypical generalization of a proud and diverse people. However, it is also true.

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Moonshine still in Knox County, Tennessee. Photographed by TVA in 1936 as part of its Fort Loudoun Dam surveys. See, I told you so.

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In any case, almost all of the hydroelectric dams that are still operating in the area were built or planned during the period of the late 30’s by the TVA. This construction program, which was government-funded, was a big reason that thousands Appalachian people didn’t starve during those trying times. It also still powers the Daytona 500 into the living rooms and outhouses of millions of hillbillies.

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Boy, oh boy, it's a boy.

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Today Americans are faced with a similar situation of those folks in the Great Depression. We have millions of able-bodied men and women who are receiving unemployment support from the federal and state governments. Without this help many would be forced out onto the streets, where they very well might end up like Ulysses, Delmar, and Pete–hunting for a hidden treasure that simply doesn’t exist.

But the big difference today is that these men and women on unemployment aren’t expected to offer anything in return. They don’t build dams, don’t blaze concrete trails through inhospitable lands, and last time I went camping I didn’t see anybody planting trees.

I’m all for helping people get on their feet during times of need. It’s an American responsibility to take care of other tax-paying, anthem singing ‘Mericans. But I also feel that the folks on unemployment should give something back to the community that’s paying their mortgage.

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So down what avenues of the public sector can we send these brave men and women. Let’s not set them to building environmentally harmful hydroelectric dams. It seems there are plenty of roads already built throughout this Great Nation, many of which I haven’t even driven on. And last time I went camping it seemed there were just about the amount of trees, give or take.

Here’s what I propose: enlist these fine people as a sort of police for modern social tact. We’ll call them the Silicone Valley Authority, simply because it works for the intents and purposes of this blog. Here’s a list of the SVA’s 10 most pressing duties.

Duty 1) Patrol vigilantly for people listening to standup comedy on their iPod. Arrest at sight.

Seriously, I hate the way you laugh.

Duty 2) Prevent everyone from posting cool videos on Facebook before I do.

At least give me a chance, jerk.

Duty 3) Discourage, violently, all German tourists from flaunting their good times on our weak American dollar.

Hey Hans, those glasses don’t look smart at all.

4) Commandeer and destroy any iPad that is operated by a user who is in motion under his or her own power.

If you don’t get off the sidewalk I will smack that thing right out of your hand.

5) Ban Twitter

I’m not going to lie, I still don’t get it.

6) Execute a successful viral marketing campaign to make old flip phones cool again.

My cell is so vintage.

7) End self-satisfying, rambling blog posts that have absolutely nothing to do with the post’s original subject matter.

Fine, be that way.

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Click here to download the 10-year anniversary clear vinyl-to-MP3

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Whistling is really creepy.

The better the whistling, the more unnerving it becomes. Fast forward to :30 to see what I’m talking about.

Dancing, or furiously shaking your ass, to a whistling tune is crudely animalistic.

Using body parts other than the mouth, such as the belly button, to whistle makes a brother want to puke. It’s also the leading cause of coneheaded babies.

Babies who weren’t subjected to head-smooshing monkeyshines are well aware of whistling’s hidden demon.

Yes, there’s a demon hidden within each and every seemingly light-hearted whistle.

And not even a-whistling your most uplifting hymn can exorcise that squealing demon. Nay, it will only increase the demon’s ravenous thirst for the Lamb of God’s blood.

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>>>Click here to download Whistling Fred Lowery’s Creepy Album at 320 kbps

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Whistling Fred Lowery

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Disc two brings us the only two things an honest man ever needs: work and God.  Soul abounds in these tracks start to finish from back in the day when being Irish was to be oppressed.  Now it just means you’re expected to celebrate St. Paddy’s day like a baffoon and carry on a hearty tradition of freckle fetish. With the other tracks I feel like I’m listening to premixed tracks from Moby’s album Play.  Just that sort of southern, sweltering, heart-squeezing music. Like grit under your nails and baptismal water in your hair: righteous.

Don’t forget to check out Disc 1 Disc 3 and Disc 4

Side C: Work Song

1. Leadbelly – Pick a Bale of Cotton

2. Seafarers Chorus – Haul on the Bowline

3. Pete Seeger – Paddy Works on the Railway

4. Harry Jackson – I Ride an Old Paint

5. Cisco Houston – Zebra Dun

6. Horace Sprott – Field Holler

7. Koerner, Ray & Glover – Linin’ Track

8. Willie Turner – Now Your Man Done Gone

9. Josh White – Timber

10. Negro Prisoners – Negro Prisoners – Grizzly Bear

Side D: Many Worshippers, One God

1. Marilyn Child & Glenn Yarbrough – Mary Had A Baby

2. Josh White – Jesus Gonna Make Up My Dyin’ Bed

3. Blind Willie Johnson – Dark Was The Night

4. Judy Collins – Twelve Gates To The City

5. Theodore Bikel – A Zemer

6. Glenn Yarbrough – Wayfaring Stranger

7. Ed McCurdy – Simple Gifts

8. Leadbelly – Meeting at the Building

9. Bob Gibson – You Can Tell The World

10. Christian Tabernacle Church – Down By The Riverside