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Monthly Archives: January 2010

***Note: While silly in syntax the facts contained within this post are undeniably true. So, if you want to pick up some muscular zero-g art and support a quality organization head down to the St. Vincent De Paul in Erlanger, KY post haste.***

 

 

 

Acquiring a centerpiece for your personal art collection proves to be a costly endeavor. It can also be a time consuming one as well. Typically the hunt consists of scouring local art galleries for a piece by an up and coming artist. This can take weeks if not months and is sure to set the burgeoning art collector back several thousands of dollars for a truly provocative piece.

 

Of course you also have the option of picking up a pastel cottage scene by Thomas “Painter of Light” Kinkade at your local mall if you’re comfortable with your friends branding you a complete and utter moron. However, this option has its drawbacks as well.

Luckily, there is a third option for the art connoisseur who wants a powerful statement piece hanging above his or her wood-burning fireplace without breaking the bank. Just 5 miles south of Cincinnati in Erlanger, KY lies an unlikely safe haven of fine art: St. Vincent De Paul Thrift Store. The good folks at St. Vincent De Paul must have been saying their prayers last year because they stumbled upon the single greatest work of art mankind has ever known: “Universe Dominance.”

Behold the terrible splendor you see before your eyes. Take in the obvious facts first. Yes, that is a panther crouching with awesome presence upon the moon. No, he doesn’t have any trouble at all breathing within the nonexistent atmosphere of the moon. The Earth is of no concern to this black prowler of the cosmos for he has turned his back on its lush jungles and abundant fauna—perhaps for all time.

For the untrained eye questions swirl as to why such a proud beast would choose to impose self exile on the frigid expanses of the lunar landscape. Did he accidentally stumble onto NASA’s space shuttle after a night of binge drinking Wild Cat Malt Liquor 40’s in his native Florida habitat adjacent to the Kennedy Space Center? This is possible as panthers are susceptible to uncontrolled bouts of imbibing strong drink but this is not the reason for the image.

Simply put the panther had grown disinterested with the monotony of jungle life. His stalking skills had become too potent for simple terrestrial hunting. He knew he needed a challenge but even the Amazon, Sri Lanka, and San Francisco’s Castro district proved too tame. And so, with one really big jump, he left the Earth’s atmosphere to pursue the heavens’ scarce game.

Such inspirational subject matter would typically cost a tasteful collector nearly $350 from an online furniture rental store. But would you believe it if “Universe Dominance” and its intoxicating aura could be had for only $10? Well, brother, you better get your wallet handy because this dandy, fully boxed to protect its 48” x 38” glory, is really only 10 bones.

However, act fast because supplies are limited to only 104 copies stacked high upon a wood pallet near the entrance of St. Vincent De Paul. Northern Kentucky is a breeding ground for collectors of power-animal prints framed in black and gold so do not tarry! All 104 prints will be gone in a heartbeat, just like the intergalactic panther was from God’s green earth that crisp autumn morning.

**Update! St. Vincent De Paul sold every one of these prints. Thanks to everyone that picked one up for a good cause.

Click here to activate the Rebuilt Tranny random post generator

You can never have enough vintage racing sound effects in your arsenal. The tail end of the record jacket’s description gives a good tip on how to best listen to this album:

If you keep in mind the programmatic descriptions of the sequences in this recording, it will give considerably more insight into just what is happening on the racing course or near the pits. You will always be able to tell when the cars are on the straight parts of the race course. It is easy to detect the difference between the practice runs and the actual sound of a race. There are other typical sounds of the raceway, each of which has its own individual stamp. These include pumping the gas pedal, “whining out,” the sounds of tire squeals as the cars round the turns, the sounds of “shifting down” into another gear, the sounds of the tune-up, “backing off,” cars revving up, etc. Use of guaranteed total frequency range techniques plus special microphone placement and expert mastering of records combine to make this an exciting auditory experience.

So, folks, hold on to your seat as the “eight-bangers” roll into action, as the cheater clicks burn up, as the racing drivers come “out of the hole,” as the drivers make the most of their “goodies” and go burning down the track. The starter is flagging the drivers at Daytona.

Click to download Daytona Speedway Sports Cars

The following videos aren’t of the cars featured in this album but they’re running on the same track from the very same year. Each video follows a team of four specially prepped Mercury Comet Cyclones as they drive continuously around the Daytona Speedway ring for almost 2 months and cover 100,000 miles.  Are we there yet?

*download below*

I’m really bad at paying attention to lyrics in songs. Most of the time I’ll get into a track just because I like the beat or its sound brings up a long-lost memory. But sometimes I’ll catch just a little snippet of the lyrics and think I know understand the song. Take, for example, the first song of this album: “Wop-A-Din-Din.” For the longest time I thought it was written about a sexy, exotic lover because of the first few verses:

She’s got big green eyes
And a long Egyptian face
She moves across the floor
At her own pace
When I’m here in bed
She’ll jump up on my chest
And when we lock eyes there’s so much love
I wanna cry

Wow, I thought, that’s a pretty intense. Big green eyes, long Egyptian face…this chick must be quite a looker. Yeah it’s a little weird that she jumps up on his chest but she’s probably just primed for some lovins. Those crazy kids.

And that’s how my perception stood for a long time until one day I just happened to catch the wording in the song’s next chunk and it left me scratching my head.

She comes in near
When I scratch under her ear
And she lifts her head
When I kiss around her neck

Won’t go to sleep
When she falls along my side
And two green eyes fade
To a porcelain marble white
And somehow when I sleep
She’ll end up at my feet
And if I roll and kick her out
I might knock her to the ground
But she’ll come back anyhow

Why is he scratching his lover behind the ear and making her sleep at his feet? The song took a total 180 and I actually felt pissed that he was treating her so crudely.

Then I looked over at my cat, Piano Little, as she took a stretch break from her 22 hour nap in a pile of laundry and it all became clear. The big green eyes, Egyptian face, jumping on his chest, scratching of the ear. This wasn’t some sultry Mediterranean fling. Wop-a-din-din is his kitty and I am a fool.

It was really quite obvious after taking n the time to listen to what’s right out in the open. After this I told myself I’d never listen to a song again without understanding its true meaning. And for a while I did listen to the lyrics and found that most of the songs that I liked now really bothered me. They were either too repetitive, too trite or too confusing. Sometimes I just don’t get things.

So I’m back to merely absorbing the tones of the human voice instead of comprehending the underlying message. Yes perhaps that makes me a philistine but maybe if I wanted to read a poem I’d go to the library. Asshole.

Click here to download Old Ramon

The Special Dance version of  “The Rhythm is Gonna Move You” is more or less the same song albeit longer and markedly more dramatic. The dub version on this disc is where things get really interesting. The song starts off with a funky synth part that is reminiscent of the intro to Harold Faltermeyer’s song “Axel Foley,” which is better known as the theme song for Beverly Hills Cop. It then takes its many detours through Conga Junction, New Wave Fashion Catwalk Way and Synthesizer Station. The end result is an terrifically exotic song jammed pack with the mesmerizing “Ooooayyyoooaaayyyy…..OoooayyyooooOOOOOOOahhhh”  hook throughout. Hip whip outta this world.

Click here to download the Special 12″ Dance Mix single

Tracks

1) Rhythm Is Gonna Get You (Dance Mix)

2)Rhythm Is Gonna Get You (Dub Mix)

*download below*

Everyone needs albums in their collection that remind them one should never take music too seriously. These albums shoulds say yes, it’s ok that I like some groups that have had a top 40 hit. Yes, from time to time I do enjoy a band that fits into a genre or genres that would otherwise make my skin crawl. Yes, sometimes I wish I was a woman so that I could put one of those towering towel-bun things on my head, slather on a creepy-cream-cheese-or-whatever-the-hell-it-is-mask with my gal pals and let loose. You know, just put on the Go-Go’s and get our nails did while talking about boys or periods or crying or whatever it is chicks chat about when they’re having a tickle-fight sleepover.

You know just live, laugh, love. Lollipop lesbian Lilliputian.

This is one of those albums that will make you disregard all  cohesive thought structure and just let go-go of the world around you. Two of the best songs from the 80’s are on this album: “Our Lips Are Sealed” and “We Got The Beat”. If you’re unfamiliar with these adorable “new wave quirk” behemoths then observe the following:

Nothing displays a carefree attitude better than packing all of your girlfriends into a copper-colored 1960 Buick LeSabre convertible and hitting the open road. This is especially true when you’re adorned in your favorite 50’s regalia while sitting on the trunklid and disregarding all traffic laws. The wind in your hair, bugs in your teeth and cops on your ass.

BUT WAIT THEY GOT IN THE FOUNTAIN! THEY’RE DANCING IN THE FOUNTAIN AND SPLISH-SPLASHIN TO THEIR HEART’S CONTENT! I’M SO JEALOUS OF YOU, BELINDA CARLISLE! DAMN YOUR FREEWHEELING WAYS!

Here again we see them displaying a total disregard for their personal safety as they pull up to their live show in the back of a 50’s pickup. Where are these girls getting such badass vintage whips? Were they servicing Jay Leno as he started out his stand-up comedy career? I must get to the bottom of that.

The biggest thing that upset me about that video is the Farrah Fawcett wannabee crowd surfer the camera keeps cutting to. She is so totally 70’s…it kills my new wave buzz so hard. GET THAT HAIR RELAXED, GIRL. THIS AIN’T A BOSTON CONCERT!

There are plenty of other great songs on the album. My personal favorite of the rest is “You Can’t Walk In Your Sleep (If You Can’t Sleep).” I’m pretty sure this is the only song on the album that was written by Belinda Carlisle. It has a bit more of the ‘tude than the other tracks with its wiggly walking bassline and heavy pop punk foundation. The chorus doesn’t really make much sense but I’ll forgive them…only because the song conjures visions of Carlisle’s bratty nose squenching over and over in a fit of passion.

Click here to download Beauty and the Beat

In my final notes I’d like to put the nail in the coffin as to just how fun the Go-Go’s are. Apparently 6 weeks after this album hit #1 on the charts a backstage video of the girls leaked to the press. The contents of that video, which are reported to be of the sex, drugs and rock and roll variety, really tarnished the Go-Go’s wholesome persona. 

This loss of fan support is hilarious because it seems today that you have to make a scandalous tape to be famous. Or at least if you’re not famous you can “leak” a sex tape in hopes of becoming famous. What’s even more ridiculous is that there isn’t any actual Go-Go’s sex or nudity just some qualude-popping creep who, according to the description of the film I’ve read here, keeps flashing his junk in the hotel room of a Holiday Inn.

Too bad there wasn’t any YouTube back in the day because I bet there would have been an awesome Go-Go’s equivelant to the “Leave Brittany Alone” guy. *sigh*